in loving memory

We are sad to announce the loss of one of our dear family members. She was a beautiful young lady with a steadfast expression of happiness. Though small in stature, she was the core, the center of our family. We miss her. We love her. Auntie Laura, you were the best.

No, not THAT Auntie Laura. The one that should be in this family photo.
That's right, we have a set of matryoshka dolls, brought back from my brother's mission in Russia, with our likenesses painted on them. He gave a street vender /artist a copy of our family portrait and we have been immortalized on wooden nesting dolls. Laura should be there on the left, next to Darrin. Alas, she has been lost to the abyss of the unknown world of insulation and wiring inside our walls, through this small and unassuming opening:
I caught Spencer trying to stuff Uncle Darrin in the hole. Lucky for him, he was too big. No such luck for Laura. Being the smallest, she fit quite easily into our unused cable outlet. We spent the next couple hours of our life, trying to fish her out. Using various mirrors and jerry-rigged small flashlights, ice cream scoops (jake's idea), bent wires, extendable magnets, and homemade fishing apparatuses, we succeeded . . . in pushing her further down into the insulation and losing her forever.

Auntie Laura, you will be missed. We will always mourn that empty space inside ourselves where you should be. And believe me, justice will be served, Spencer is now banned from all nesting doll fraternization. He will be a registered doll offender under the new Laura's Law that will protect future unsuspecting matryoshkas from a similar fate. Although tragic, our loss will not be in vain.